My Husband

While I mention him a lot, I never really go into much detail about my husband. He's still here and better than ever.

As we come up on the year anniversary of our move, I can't help but reflect on all the ways he has changed this past year.

It has been a rough year for him as well. 

When we were told in January that a move was imminent, he shut down emotionally and physically. There was a ton of stuff to do and he couldn't process any of it. He continued to travel while the house had to be worked on and barely had any energy when he was at home. What little energy he had was spent trying to find other employment to keep us closer to home.

After years of worrying and taking care of me during my mental breakdown, he didn't get much break before his worry and fears shifted to his mom and her illness. He was finally starting to assimilate what was happening in his family when we found out we would be moving. 

In addition to what was happening in his personal life, he had a very stressful work situation. In the 18 months prior to moving, we were forced to cancel a vacation and he traveled 1-2 weeks per month. His job title and responsibilities had changed multiple times and he was incredibly unhappy. He had a few friends at work, but for the most part he hated it. 

Even though it was physically and emotionally hard for me, I completely understand why this move was the last straw for him. I got why he was shut down and tried to have as much grace with him as possible. 

Before we moved, he had a couple doctors trying to manage anti-depression medications. The side effects of them were terrible. He had a lot of memory loss and could not function normally. The drugs altered who he was and how he handled everything. The worst part was that they weren't helping. No combination really worked. I think at one time, he was on three anti-depression drugs and a sleeping med. 

When we got here and he needed his first refill, he got into a new doctor. The first thing she did was get him off the multiple drugs. His constant fogginess cleared up pretty quickly. Over the past six months, his mood has stabilized and he doesn't have a long list of side effects. His meds have changed and the list is much shorter. 

He's had a few other problems pop up since we moved. The poor guy just can't seem to get a break. During our move, he started having pain in one of his thumbs. He tried to tolerate it, but complained until he couldn't stand it. An X-ray showed he had something called trigger thumb. The doctor injected steroids into his thumb and he's been fine since. 

After our long drive to KC and back in September, he returned with a pain in his knee that wouldn't go away. He blamed the cramped fit in the car. We traded the car off and it was still a problem. Again, he headed back for X-rays. While we were on vacation in October, the doctor called to let him know that he had arthritis in his knee and the bones in his knee were now rubbing together. He was able to get another steroid injection and medication, which have allowed him to live without excruciating pain. 

He's obviously been affected by what has happened with/to me. While he didn't talk about it a lot, he was saddened by the loss of two babies. I know last summer, he felt helpless when I was so sick. He is usually the one to combat my anxiety with medical stuff and tell me I'm fine. When we stood in the garden and told him I didn't want to be buried here and I wanted him to take me back to KC to die, I saw the fear in his eyes. Neither of us knew what was happening or just how close to our fears we really were. 

The guy has been through a lot. I don't want anyone to think it has been all bad. There are some really good things that have come in the past year.

Prior to our move, he worked three jobs. He had a graphic arts business that came to a close at the end of 2013. He was sad, but now see it as God preparing him. He was also cleaning an office in the evenings and on weekends. He used it as a time to unwind from his daily stress, but it kept him away from home an additional hour per night. He quit that in March last year. 

Now, he has only one job. For the first time in seven years, he is working only one job. That means he has a lot more time at home. He also has a lot more time to find out who he is again and what he enjoys. That's been a, at times, frustrating venture but a much needed one. With the long, cold winter, he has discovered that he loves watching youtube videos and has some tv shows he won't miss.

In late fall, he got his bike fixed so it would be ready for spring. He has been getting back into shooting and even purchased a new gun. The guy never buys himself anything. I'm sure there will be other things. After our move, he was so very cautious because we still had a financial mess. This spring will be the first time he can really tap into what interests him and I hope he does.

When he worked in NKC, he spent nearly two hours commuting each day. When we moved, his commute was reduced to 5-7 minutes. That has been a huge, positive change for both of us. Another change was his job and overall satisfaction.

I won't say he loves his job or the situation. However, I will say that his job is a lot different here. He comes home in a better mood and enjoys the people he works with. The company is the same, but the atmosphere is completely different here than NKC. It is similar in size, but has a much stronger family feel to it.

He has developed several friendships. I am so happy. I know we both feared we would lose all our friends back home and not make any here. Neither of those things happened for him. He has friends from back home who text and call him all the time, including one who calls weekly. He has made friends here too. My introverted husband has made friends far more easily than I have. Seriously, I think our socialization has completely flip flopped here. I get maybe one text per week and most of my calls are solicitors. He gets texts and calls all evening. I am so, so happy for him. 

Probably the best part of the last year, really the last six months, is that I have gotten my husband back. Without the work, stress, med problems, I finally have him in his purest form. I have seen his faith and love for me grow. We are closer than we have ever been. 

It may have been a tough road, but I'm so glad we had each other through it all. I never know what lies ahead, but I'm always certain that with each other we will face down every obstacle. I am so thankful for this man and can't hardly believe he has been in my life for 21 years.