There is about 30 minutes worth of work left to do on this term of classes. I couldn't be happier about that. Unless I bomb the last few assignments in my counseling class, I should finish with 2 As and a B. I'm proud of that B in psychology. I fought hard for it, but I'll still beat myself up over not getting an A.
It has been a long eight weeks. There's joy for me in this place. There are only 3 1/2 semesters standing between me and becoming the first person in my estranged family to graduate from college. Yes, I had far more than enough credits to have a degree already but they were scattered among schools and never transferred to my advantage. When I graduate, I will have a bachelor and a half worth of credit hours. Crazy!
This week is a down week and probably one of the best I've had recently. The weather has been miserable. I feel miserable. My Bell's is finally at its most manageable point. There is a section of my mouth and cheek where I still don't have much control and I still have some significant pain that I am told can last six months. This weather has wreaked havoc on my sinuses and ears, so often feel like I'm in a hole. While I love snow so much, I am more than ready for spring and summer this year.
There is still joy in this week and I haven't had to fight for it. Despite the nasty weather, it was time for spring inside the house. I packed away all the snowmen for the next eight months. With the change over comes deep cleaning. I love having a clean house that smells clean and looks fresh.
When our stuff arrived in May last year, I decorated for summer. When I packed up my winter snowmen last year, my spring decorations had to stay packed away. It was all part of minimizing what we had in the house and depersonalizing it as it went on the market. It was wonderful to be able to get them out and put them in this house. I feel like I got to do something I missed out on last year and it was good!
We are coming up on so many anniversaries, reminders of change and emotional milestones. I know recently my emotional state has been quite negative toward this past year. I'm thankful for the timing of these reminders. None of them negate how difficult the past year has been, but they serve as opportunities to praise God.
Before we knew we had to move, things were getting tough for us. Our house was ok, but had some issues that we had ignored. Our finances had some issues that we had ignored. Our relationship had issues that we had ignored. This move forced us to deal with all three and we are better for it.
We both agree that our KC home will always be our first, but we love this home here. We are slowly fixing what the last owners failed to disclose or destroyed. We think it is beautiful and perfect for us.
We would also agree that our communication has improved tremendously, which in turn has improved our finances. The move forced us to communicate and it forced us to deal with that house. We were way underwater on that house and needed to get out of it. Now, we have one home, one mortgage and actually have equity. We wouldn't be in this position if it weren't for the move.
It was nothing either of us did or wanted to do to make any of those changes. That is why it is so easy for us to look back and praise God. His plan was bigger and better than we could have imagined. It doesn't mean the path hasn't been painful, it has. But we can praise Him anyway.
As I close and head back to cleaning, I can't help but think about the joy I am finding in worship music this week.
I haven't been listening to music much lately and when I do, it has been something other than Christian. As I listen to it now, I can't help but consider how I have veered off course a lot lately. I have fallen into traps of the world, satan and my flesh. I'd forgotten how much I value to worship. I had turned a deaf ear to the music that speaks to my heart. Singing has always been a love of mine and I hadn't sung in months.
I don't know that any of it changes where I am at with church right now. But I certainly recognize the tug of war. This probably deserves a post all of its own, but I think the fight to stay in church is even harder when you come out of a satan worshipping background. Not that there is a desire to go back to it, that's not the case. It works much more innocently in not believing you belong on either side and are stuck in the middle. I feel tugged both directions and so the spiritual warfare continues. However, I can say that definitely feel God tugging harder right now, reminding me of all He has done. I am thankful for that.
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