Yesterday, I found encouragement in the strangest of places. We met our new tax guy. He's an older guy with kids, grandkids and great-grandkid. He's also quite the talker.
He had some obvious information about us because of our taxes. He knew we had moved about 10 months ago from a bigger city. We hadn't shared how different it was nor how hard the past year had been. I certainly didn't tell him that I have struggled to fit in.
He also had made the long trek across many states to move to Ohio many, many years ago. I can't remember if it was 36 or 47, but it was a lot of years ago. He has a well-known tax business and has served in many areas of the community. But, something he said spoke volumes to me.
Completely unsolicited, he said he still feels like an outsider. Really? REALLY? That was my response. He's been here so long and been an active member of the community. And he still feels like an outsider?
Yes! He said that if you weren't born here, you are forever an outsider.
So, a couple points I took in right in that moment. I'm NOT crazy! The way I feel isn't exclusive to just me. It's NOT just a woman thing. This was a man saying exactly what I have thought and felt.
Probably most important, there are ways to live happily in spite of being an outsider. This man has done it for a long time. This area has become his home and he has developed long-lasting, meaningful relationships or acquaintances with many, many people. That was awesome for me to see.
I didn't ask, but I think it is probably a safe assumption that he felt even more like an outsider in those early years of being here. I think maybe alien is more appropriate than outsider.
Hearing him talk was incredibly validating. Again, completely unsolicited, he went on to talk about how very different the people are here than in other parts of the US. People here are different than those just one state away. It's not a bad thing. Quite the opposite. People here are friendly in a way that is uncommon to everywhere outside of here.
That doesn't mean there is not ugliness. My general experience has been that the majority struggle at least a little bit with getting to know outsiders. I've said in previous posts, I get that. I would be the same way and have been at times.
This tax guy had no clue he was speaking directly to my heart and fears. He had no idea that I would walk away feeling encouraged.
The most important thing I walked away from his office with was a reminder to not take for granted those who don't treat us as outsiders.
This past year has been hard. Honestly, it hasn't been an accurate picture of who we are. It is a picture of who we are under immense stress, dealing with unexpected pain and adapting to something we have never experienced. The people who have met us probably haven't gotten a fair idea of who we really are. We haven't shown them who we are. We haven't been able to show them.
As things improve, we start regulate and get back to who we really are. Changed, but more like what we were 14 months ago and beyond. The problem is that we can't change first impressions or the opinions people have developed of us while we were in intense situations. Very few people have been persistent in seeing what was underneath all the stress and crap that was at the surface. I'm thankful for that. I am thankful for the few people who have handled us with grace and mercy and understood we aren't what the last year has brought out of us.
I wish I could change the others or their opinions. I can't. I can't change anyone but me. I can pray and I do.
I do still hold onto a tiny bit of hope that I can live happily here, even as an outsider. Maybe has the cold, harsh winter fades away, spring will bring more hope for that.
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