Only 3 1/2 to Go

There are only 14 months until I graduate. Eek!!!! I have 3 1/2 semesters crammed into that time.

That means, I have a whole lot of classes to complete to graduate in the time frame we have planned for. I, of course, know that many things can happen that could alter my time frame. Probably the one I worry about the most is me!

My first term is all finished. Much to my surprise and as a direct result of hard work, I finished my three classes with all As and a 4.0. I won't lie, that was an awesome way to start the program. I started out scared and failing. It was a huge confidence booster to finish the way I did. It was also validating.

The next two classes are completely different. They are US History and Biology. As a general rule, I enjoy both. The thing is that I enjoy both when taken in for pleasure. I can sit and watch the Science or History channel with my husband for hours and it's no big deal. It's completely different when I have to recall the information or use it in a writing assignment.

Even though I started well, I still have a fear of failure. Science and History are why I never earned a degree before now. I feared failure and it always led to me dropping the class. I'm not sure the fear is so strong this time, but I generally fear failing courses along the way. That fear is strong for me.

I also fear graduating with a huge debt. This college is expensive and we cannot afford to pay completely out of pocket. We probably could if I stretched the program out over three years. We both agree that stretching it out would probably lead to a lot of discouragement for me and possibly giving up along the way. But, I still fear debt when I have no plans of this degree leading to a paying job. I still feel called to help those who cannot afford to pay for counseling.

It's realistic for me to also consider the possibility of burn out. In the big scheme of life, 14 months is just a blip. However, that 14 months is cram packed full. In that time, I will have one week off in October and one off next March. My terms will all run back to back and even overlap. Only if I work ahead will I be able to create some time off.

There are also a couple health issues that threaten to sideline me. A trip to the doctor two weeks ago led me to consider again my reproductive options. Either way we go, I still have a couple surgeries and several invasive tests in my near future. In a perfect world, I'd like to delay all of it until after graduation. But this isn't a perfect world and not taking care of the issues I have will only make success with school even more difficult.

But for now, I'm proceeding knowing that while I have no clue what the next 14 months will look like...God does. Ultimately, my success lies more significantly in His hands than mine. With that, I shouldn't have a need to worry.