Mark 10:27 says; Jesus looked at them and said, "With man it is impossible, but not with God. For all things are possible with God."
Friday night I learned a valuable lesson in knowing that what is impossible for me, is possible with God.
Many of you who know me, know that I have been struggling through some tough times including many months of sleeplessness. What only a few people very close to me have known is that my issues, accompanied with exhaustion, have at times kept me homebound with anxiety attacks. Fearful of triggering an anxiety attack in a group of any size, I have often chosen to withdraw and be alone.
Last summer, I had an opportunity to go street witnessing with a group. Although at the time I had very little anxiety, I wasn't sure street witnessing was for me. As time past and I heard several testimonies about witnessing, I began to feel very differently. However, I knew more recently with my anxiety problems, it would be impossible for me to go.
I went 32 years in life before anyone shared with me what it meant to be a follower of Christ. Even at that time, I had to ask someone to explain it. I have wrestled with the thought since then of, "Why didn't anyone share with me sooner?" "Why did someone not care about my salvation enough to share with me?" I married into a family of Christians, I have Christians in my extended family, and a handful of friends who have been Christians the entire time I have known them. But, none of them had ever shared with me the need for a Savior. It had to be God's timing, I know. I also know that I had to be a willing listener. And with my past and my journey, I do feel God has put in my heart the need to tell others.
This week, I was faced again with an opportunity to go with a group to hand out gospel tracts downtown. And again, I was faced with another week of high anxiety. I knew each time I was asked if I was going how badly I wanted to go, but how impossible it would be for me. Stranger upon stranger walking by and taking things from my hands....the very thought was horrifying to me. But, I agreed to go. There was a calmness inside that knew it would be okay but an unwillingness to let go of the fear and anxiety.
As Friday came, I picked up the phone several times to bow out, but never dialed the phone. I gave Kent every excuse not to go on the way, but went anyway. Each mile of the trip downtown was filled with a second thought and the desire to go back home.
My own fear and anxiety was about to make this the impossibility that I thought that it was. But as we walked to the Sprint Center, all of my fear and anxiety disappeared. Tract after tract after tract, my fear, my anxiety had all gone. It had been replaced with sadness. I saw myself and the first 32 years of my life on the faces of so many young people as they walked past. My anxiety was replaced with a desire to tell each one of them about a God who loves them so much that He gave His son for them.
It was impossible for me to go Friday night. It was impossible for me to not have anxiety or fear in a group of strangers standing outside a rap concert. It was impossible for me to hand gospel tracts to strangers. But, with God, it was all possible. With God, it was possible for me to know I was right where I should be, doing what I should do and without fear or anxiety. Only with God was it all possible and only with God did it happen.
I praise God for showing me that with Him, all things are possible.
