Big Changes

A couple months ago, my husband got serious about finding a new job. We had a long, serious discussion about whether to stay where we were or go elsewhere. I'll spare you all the details of that conversation, but we decided fairly easily to go.

After that discussion, his first interview was in San Antonio. Ugh! My heart was no in that one. Thankfully, it did not materialize. In fact, it was a disaster. Moving on!

Part of our discussion was about where we would look. Now would be a good time to mention, we have no intentions of ever moving back to KC. That's probably another post completely. I requested a colder region.

Before we really had much of a chance to decide, he was being pursued by companies in Chicago, South Carolina, Cincinnati, Indiana, Dayton and a few others. SC, no. Chicago, no. Anything Ohio, no. Those were my thoughts and with that, my husband focused on a job in South Bend, Indiana.

He flew out, did the interview and felt great about the opportunity. A few weeks later, he got the call that he had been chosen for the job. We were excited. I cried. I was beyond happy for him. We told a handful of people. We started the process of putting our house on the market. Unfortunately, that is where the excitement ended.

Things moved so slow. It took a week and three phone calls to get an actual offer in hand. Pretty quickly, we figured out that this company was very disorganized at this facility. Calls, emails and texts to the HR guy, his new boss and others went days to weeks without being answered if at all.

In the meantime, he had a very aggressive company near Dayton, Ohio who had a very persistent recruiter. While the other company fumbled over communications, my husband scheduled and followed through on an interview.

Now, keep in mind, I hated Ohio when I left. There wasn't much I ever wanted to go back for and I was very verbal about this up to the day we left for the interview. I have one person that I still consider a friend and I fought the mere idea of going back. In fact, after the interview, my husband wanted to look at houses and I said no. I knew there was no way God would make me go back to Ohio.

He put pressure on this company because he had a deadline to accept or decline the other offer. And...they met his deadlines. He had an offer in hand by Friday of the following week. The thing was, this offer was beyond what we could have ever imagined. It was nearly 25% higher in salary and the benefits were better. After comparing, the relocation package was absolutely better.

Long story short, he asked the other company to match and they decline. So, here we are.

He will be working west of Dayton, just off I70. He started the job this past Monday and I could not be more proud of him.

I will be honest, I am in a little bit of disbelief. I NEVER wanted to come back here. I swore I would never come back unless we were passing through. I have had to a lot of soul searching, praying and being honest with myself.

I know the key is going to be my openness to make this home. We are not in the same area, in fact we are going to be no further than 20 minutes from Dayton. That is not unlike our house in KC. We were out from the city and 20-30 minutes from anything. I've had to force myself into truly letting go of some hard feelings toward people and situations. I also had to do something that should come more naturally, but I think is hard for everyone. I had to put my own feelings aside for the good of my husband. Doing so will ultimately be good for me too and our marriage, but it is so hard to do.

Now, we are almost done with our home sale in KC and we have to get busy finding a home here.

Big Loss

On October 10, I received a Facebook message that my grandpa had a stroke and was not expected to make it. The info was sketchy at best, but I was told he would be leaving the hospital on hospice. 

I have shared in my blog some of my past with this grandpa. I do have a set of living grandparents on my dads side. This was my moms dad.

There was an immediate mixed bag emotions. I wanted, needed, to see him. However, as I mentioned, the entire ordeal was sketchy. 

The person who contacted me referred to him as Carl and not my grandpa. Then, there was a lack of detail. Finally, it was made clear to me that I could not see him.

I cried and paced and couldn't sleep. At 5 am the next morning, I got a call from my brother. He was copied on the original message and I think he knew my desire to say goodbye. Although I have no idea and I'll get to why.

My husband was barely awake and I sat bawling on the side of the bed. I was conflicted. I had forgiven this man, but did I really want to see him? My husband told me to get dressed and he would take me. See, I was given this really small window of time and I had a short time to get there. Something I didn't understand at the time. 

We hopped in the car and arrived at the hospital at about 9:30. My heart pounding, I walked into his room. No family was there. Just this feeble, small man who was propped up with a pillow. He groaned and rubbed his unshaven face. His eyes were closed and I had no idea if he was aware I was there. 

I reached down and grabbed his hand. I held it tight with nothing in return. Soon, a lady came in wanting me to sign his dismissal papers. Uh, no! A nurse came in and asked if I was family. I said that I was his oldest grandchild. I lost all track of the nurse at that point.

Once my grandpa heard my voice, he grabbed my hand tight. He held it and leaned toward me. I rubbed his bald head and told him how sorry I was that he ended up like this. I looked down at him and all I felt was love. A giant, overwhelming love. After a little while longer, I told him goodbye and walked out. 

We drove around places we knew, cemeteries and spent the whole day kind of saying goodbye once again to our home towns. We had lunch with Kents dad and headed home. 

And here's where it gets really strange...

We both made several observations at the hospital. First of all, there was no hint of family or that anyone had been sitting with him. So sad. Second, he showed no signs of a stroke or that his vitals were bad, which I had been told. He had full range movement in all his limbs and no visual sign of drooping. His vitals were good. He would not open his eyes, but that could have been meds or a possible disconnect between brain and body. Third, he did not look like a man who was on deaths door. He could have been dying, yes, but he showed a lot of life. 

I later found out that there was a list of people not allowed in the room. I was on it as was his wife, but I snuck in evidently. It became clear that this was possibly being kept from other family members. On the way home, I contacted my aunt in Minnesota and my former aunt in Kansas (the mother of my cousins). They knew nothing. Strange, again, yes. 

My brother shared info with me for two days. He said my grandpa was eating, drinking and speaking. Then, the texts stopped. I know my family. I was concerned. My grandpa is wealthy and the info I was getting relayed from other people was bad. 

Over the past few years, my mom and her brother have been stealing from my grandpa. They've changed wills and legal info. Completely illegal as this man has had dementia for at least five years and is not of sound mind. Crazy stuff like my grandpas wife was afraid of my uncle and not allowed to see her own husband. That my mom and her brother were trying to get them divorced before he died. Crazy, crazy! Completely believable from people so wrapped in sin.

I had to know someone was taking care of this man. I was afraid he was checked out of the hospital to die a miserable death. I finally got some advice from a friend and called the local authorities for a welfare check and hospice confirmation. After a few hours, the cop called back to confirm that hospice is checking on him daily and he looked well. Although, he understood my concern. For what that was worth. I was content with that, but angry with my family. 

On Thursday the following week, I got a call from my aunt in Minnesota letting me know he had passed away. His death is a mystery to all of us not there. We haven't been allowed to know. 

Within a day or so, I received another call from my aunt. She had been left out of the obituary. Also, he was cremated and there would be a private funeral for family. None of us were given the details of that funeral. We were told no funeral.

By the way, my brother never has contacted me to let me know my grandpa passed away. I still do not understand this. In all that I had going on in life, I am not sure why anyone would choose now to mess with me emotionally. 

There's so much I could say about the detail of all this and my absolutely horrid family. It's just not worth it.

What I do want to do is remember the man I said goodbye to two weeks ago. 

I was the first grandchild. I have pictures where everyone looks happy, smiling. It was a simple time before things got complicated. 

There were good times, good memories. My grandpa used to grab me as a little girl at the end of the day and rub my cheek with his whiskers. I loved it and rubbing my hands on his face. He used to walk me through the strawberry patch and let me eat handfuls, even though I was mildly allergic to them. 

When I was a year old, my grandpa had a terrible accident. A piece of wood broke on his lathe and went into his eye. He lost his eye. During that time, he could not eat solid foods. My grandma would blend his food and mine too. I never ate store bought baby food. Mine was all homemade. 

Through the years, he was the financial support for my grandma. She was the one who let me live with them twice and paid for our wedding. 

I had not seen my grandpa in many years. It was too hard to see him and not be around the rest of my family. A lot of the last several years, he wouldn't have known who I was. He also remarried soon after my grandma died 19 years ago. His new wife was a lovely person, but the changes she made to his life were too much to process.

This entire ordeal will remain a mystery to me, although I believe it has to do with greed and money. It has cemented in me that I am better off away from these people.

I have no idea what my grandpas belief system was when he passed away. I hope he was a christian, but I have no clue. 

Big Trips, Big Loss, Big Changes

So much has happened since my last post. Literally, life changed within a couple days of when I wrote. I want to write about each one.

Big trips, we took a trip to Yellowstone. I'll get to that today. Big loss, my grandpa. Big changes, moving again.

I'll get to the big change that led to the big trip later. However, we were certain that once my husband gave his notice, they would not allow him to take his last week of vacation or pay him for it. With that in mind and his approaching termination notice, we decided to take a vacation. It wasn't really planned. It was last minute.

We went back and forth.

Should we head to the beach? The closest was Galveston. We've been there so much, plus we weren't thrilled with traveling through hurricane ravaged Houston to get there. We also enjoy Florida so much more because the beaches are nicer.

Should we head to the mountains again? We are always up for mountains, but just went in April. It wasn't off the table.

We decided going east wasn't an option since we were getting ready to move east.

What we wanted was to go somewhere new. It's the explorer in us.

With very little planning, we packed up all four dogs and headed to Yellowstone.

We started with a short trip to Omaha/Iowa. We left after work on a Friday so we could have the house on the market with no scheduling issues. It was a nice hotel in a very weird area of industry.

Next was a full day of driving to Rapid City, SD. We checked into our hotel, which to our surprise was attached to a water park. Never again! We had been to Mount Rushmore and were certain that not much had changed. However, a trip to the website we found that they were open at night and had a lighting and closing ceremony.

After a little rest, we headed out to Rushmore. We got there just in time to see the lighting ceremony. There was a giant video playing. Then, they honored those who served and retired the flag. It was the last time for the season to retire the flag. The ceremony was absolutely moving. Given the political and social climate, it was humbling to see everyone honoring our flag, anthem and soldiers. I cried. Sobbed like a baby. Then they flipped the lights on Rushmore. It was beautiful. It isn't well lit, but you see all you need.

When we were done, we headed to a firefighter themed restaurant and the food was great.

The next day, we headed to Cody, WY. We started seeing animals. Elk, deer and a ton of antelope. We took a route through the mountains. It snowed and was amazing. Finally, right at dusk, we got to our cabin. It was truly a cabin at the base of a mountain. It snowed a couple inches that night and was like a winter wonderland the next morning. The dogs were not impressed with the snow or 25 degrees since we had left nearly 90 degree temps.

From there, we drove to the north entrance to Yellowstone in Montana. I am so glad we did. Again, snow, mountains, animals and beauty.

Our first stop in the park was a basin of geysers. It was so cool and so stinky. The sulfur smell was terrible. Probably the best part, our phones had no service and it we could truly enjoy our time. Our first day also included watching Old Faithful and a ton of animals. The best was a black bear that was only about 10 feet away. I got some amazing pics. At one point, Remi went nuts over the bear and the bear looked right at me. I got right back in the car.

We got to the west entrance and stayed all night in a complete dive in West Yellowstone, MT. It was so cold and spit snow a lot. That morning, we had fun chasing Remi who escaped and decided to run free in 20 degrees. We had the best breakfast at a little diner in town and headed back to the park.

We drove through the rest of the park, including heading back to Old Faithful. Some of the park was closed for the season and another part was closed for construction. We didn't feel slighted at all. The park wasn't busy and we didn't feel rushed or stuck in traffic.

Our second day, we saw more wildlife including a grizzly bear. It was huge and about 50 yards from the road. There were about a dozen park rangers making sure nobody got any closer to it. We saw so many animals. Bears, elk, deer, antelope, prairie dogs, chipmunks, moose, birds, rabbits, quail, pheasants, and I am sure more I have forgotten to list.

We left through the south entrance and traveled along the Grand Tetons. They were absolutely beautiful and kissed with fresh snow. That is where we saw the Moose. They were huge. There is no  mistaking them for any other animal.

We drove to the southeast corner of Wyoming and stayed all night. The next day, we drove through Estes Park for fun. It was packed full of people and there were no places to stay. We ended up in Colorado Springs for three days to relax from our long drive. We were at 3500 miles by then and tired. Colorado Springs was beautiful. We ate good food and enjoyed the mountains. We even took a drive over to Cripple Creek.

Our trip home was uneventful. We stayed in central Kansas for the night and was home by lunch on Sunday.

It was the longest trip we've ever taken and probably the most beautiful. We had a great time, laughing. We did have the stress of handling house contracts, work contracts, planning our move, et. But it was worth every second.