Things have been unusually busy for me the past month. There wasn't anything particular that stood out as taking a lot of energy, but it was a general state of busyness.
Each time someone asks if we are settled, I say yes. However, there's this feeling each month that we are more settled than the previous month. I would say this month has been no exception.
We did have our first visitors. One of our friends came out for a long weekend with her dogs. We went to Cincinnati for shopping and pizza. The next day, we went to a gun show. Her first time. It kind of sucked compared to other shows we have attended. It was dreary and wet, so we spent most of the weekend at the house. We baked and cooked. It was a great weekend and I can't wait for it to happen again.
We have done a lot of stuff lately. Kent installed new toilets. Our were new, but they were short and small, even below standard size. He put in tall ones that are way more comfortable.
There wasn't a lot going on for Valentines Day. We got each other small gifts and went out for a quiet dinner at McAlisters. Funny enough, we also went toilet shopping/buying that evening.
We are still fighting with our builder over some of the issues with the house. We still do not have a working fireplace. It is 70 degrees today. My excitement over a fireplace has long faded at this point. The builder and I had a heated exchange two weeks ago and oddly enough, I figured out that he is triggering my ptsd and anxiety. He is a very rude man who talks to me horribly, treats me as if I am dumb. Not a good combo for me. I am hoping that once we pass this point of having to have contact with him weekly, that my anxiety will decrease.
There are a couple things sliding into our lives that we really weren't ready for, but will have to face head on.
My husband has started the process of finding a surgeon for his back. He has needed surgery for three years or more. The pain has reached an unbearable level and he is never not in pain. In fact, he is tired a lot because he cannot get comfortable to sleep at night. The timing isn't great with just starting his job, but his insurance is about the best it has been in ten years. Doctors around here will not see a new patient without a referral from another doctor, so we are waiting for all the pieces to fall into place. I look for him to have surgery within the next couple months.
I learned this week that my last living grandpa had a heart attack and will be having bypass surgery this week. Of course I got that information from an aunt because my brother still has not had contact with me since he jacked me around with my other grandpa's death. Sad. Sad. Sad. The ordeal with this grandpa has made me think about health and heredity, tracing family history of heart disease. My dad and his brothers are all mid 50s - 60s. None of them have any heart health issues, at least not yet and not diagnosed. My grandma has had heart surgery, but her problems were all congenital. It appears that years of eating my grandmas cooking could have led to my grandpas current issues. He had nine siblings and only one of them had heart health issues.
The issues with my grandpa led to some honest discussion with one of my cousins. She is the only other christian in my entire family on either side. We are about 10-12 years apart in age, so I didn't have a previous relationship with her. Some conversation with her has been enlightening.
My dad's family at one time was all Jewish. Now, my grandparents, dad and uncles are all atheists. I find that incredibly interesting. To be clear, my dad is evil. His brothers are not. They are average men who have taken care of their families. Outside of one cousin who has battled substance abuse, all of their children are very normal.
Because I feel a greater sense of ease sharing my story lately, I was able to be honest with my cousin about some of life with my parents. I didn't share a lot. In fact, I apologized for what I did tell her. Everyone has this idea of what and who my parents are and I have never shared any different with family members. Partially because one time I tried and my aunt shut me down, claiming that he was a good man. It was a bit freeing. I knew that at least one person on that side of the family knew that I didn't walk away from my family over religion or because I believed myself to be better than them. She said she actually believed it was a religious issue and nothing else.
Interestingly enough, she shared that in high school when she was punished, she was grounded from church. I find it incredibly interesting. I was punished for going to church. Taking church away was her punishment at times. It speaks to this entire family's lack of respect for church and God. I swear our family would be an excellent case study in so many ways.
