16 Years and...

He still pisses me off.

I love my husband. My husband loves me. So why do we make marriage so hard?

I know we do it. I irritate him. He irritates me. We fight. We half-heartedly make up. We go on until the next blow up.

We love each other, so why do we treat each other so horribly? And, I know we aren't alone. Your spouse is the person you are to love the most and I believe most people do. So, why are we so terrible to the person we love the most?

The ways we fight are completely different. I blow up and I'm done. I'm that way with most things. When I'm ready to address an issue, I say everything that I need to say and then I'm done. It's sometimes packed with emotion, but it all comes out at once. Unless it's intertwined with some future event or decision, I'm done with it. Never to speak of it again. He's not like that. He wants to discuss every facet of the issue and have a detailed explanation for an action or emotion. Then, he moves on as if everything is ok. But it's not, he tucks it away to use later or repeatedly.

Neither are right. Neither are conducive to a healthy relationship.

I'll give a great example that just happened.

He asked where to find toothpicks yesterday. I told him. He was very frustrated with another issues, but snapped at me for the amount of time it took to find them.

When I told him he hadn't been very nice, he spiraled into an explanation of how I used to (10 years ago) do something that irritated him and that's why he snapped at me.

This morning, I went to the cabinet and found the toothpicks exactly where I had said they were. He's sug and found the extra box. In the process, he completely messed up the cabinet and knocked a bottle of red food coloring onto the floor between the fridge and cabinet.

Said bottle leaked, leaving a huge mess. I cleaned it up, but there is now a light pink penis shape on the floor. I can't make this stuff up!

So, that elicited a scathing text to my husband.

I knew the minute I hit send, that all I had done was bring him down. He has chronic depression and is extremely agitated during this holiday season. He didn't need that. It was my blow up. I was angry. He'd been very nasty to me all weekend. I'd not defended myself all weekend in a way that meant anything.

There was a point that I did say something to him. I kindly asked him to please listen to the way he was talking to me. In complete calmness, I told him that his tone and words sounded more like he was talking to some bitch he lives with and not his wife. I didn't blow up though.

No doubt he will have a response to my text besides "sorry."  It's how he works.

Why do we do this? We have each matured in our own ways. We've changed over the years. Unfortunately, our fighting has only become more defined and predictable.

I wish this wasn't the case. I wish that we could have more respect and love for each other in the difficult times.

We've been together for over 20 years. I love my husband more today than I ever have. He doesn't hit me. We don't fight about money. He's never cheated on me. I won't say we'd have a perfect marriage, but if we learned how to fight fair we'd sure have a better marriage.