Christmas Cookies

I had my first full blown holiday meltdown of the year. It was over Christmas cookies.

On the Big Bang Theory, Amy made Sheldon cookies with his Meemaw's recipe. I lost it. I cried like a baby.

This wasn't so much about me. Don't get me wrong, there are things I do miss about the holidays. I miss the stocking of fruit from my grandma. I miss the candies and special dishes my grandmas used to make. I miss the $2 from my grandpa. I miss a few traditions.

This meltdown was more for my husband. This will be the first time in nearly 50 years that he is away from his family. It's the first time in over 20 years, I won't be with his family on Christmas. It is going to be hard.

Truthfully, the little traditions have been missing the past few years. With his moms Alzheimer's, nothing has been right for at least two years. But we were all together. He was with his family. Even when it wasn't fun, it was still togetherness. That's what he craves.

My heart aches for him. He says he would have happily made the trip for both holidays, but I know we couldn't. It's too far and too expensive. I know he's angry with me about that, because I put my foot down. I had to. It's a 14 hour drive to his parents house. It's too much.

I never thought he'd ever understand how I felt when I had to give up my family. But he does now. That makes me sad.

I'd rather hurt than see him hurt.

I've said this over and over, but I think this is going to be the hardest holiday we've been through.

Dear Lord, show yourself in big ways to my husband. Show him that your love is sufficient and your near to him always.