It Finally Happened

I'm currently laying on my bed, door shut, shaking uncontrollably and crying.

I'm done. Ready for everyone to leave. I've been triggered and am ready for this to be over.

We could hear the kids fighting from the front room. It's what they do and have done the entire time. I won't say it's ruined the trip, but the fighting, immaturity and bad moods have certainly made it not so enjoyable.

Anyway, my brother went to tend to the kids and I could hear him hitting them. I lost it. I drew the line. Told all of them hitting was not allowed in my house. It's our house and that's a boundary to be respected.

My brother obviously got mouthy and I was having none of it.

NOBODY walks in this house and acts like my dad. I won't tolerate it.

I don't even know what to do. I'm so incredibly angry and upset. Its not exhaustion, it's anger.

I haven't enjoyed much of this visit and that's just honest. I've tried. I've pretended. I've lied my way through it.

I have tried my hardest to make the most of it, but I'm extremely unhappy with the whole thing. It's not a selfish unhappiness. I'm not unhappy cause I haven't gotten my way.

I'm unhappy because these people don't love me back. They don't respect me. They don't know me. They don't care.