Until now.
I've never cared too much about what I looked like. Before I was married, I really didn't care. If someone didn't like me or how I looked or what I wore...pfft! I didn't care. It probably drove me deeper into embracing who I was and caring even less. It also made me more confident than the average person, which often came across as arrogance.
Once I was married, it only mattered what my husband thought.
I've always tried to embrace who I was. I've never been overly feminine. I could go into all the reasons why, but I've never felt much like a girl. I am ok with that.
I'm also very introspective. So I've spent the past few months searching my heart and trying to understand why insecurity has been eating at me so often lately.
Little things. Big things. Things people say. It's bothered me more the past few months. I find myself being more self conscious about how I look.
I've even gone out without my hair done and without make up to prove that I'm not tied to those things or how I look.
But there seems to be a sensitivity in me that is new.
Maybe it's a biproduct of the past year. Maybe it's attributable to this massive hormonal shift caused by medication. I don't know.
Maybe it's a lack of sensitivity from my husband. I know he loves me. However, he's not complimentary. He doesn't give positive feedback.
I've always known this about him. He used to be, but he's lost that. It only occassionally bothered me before we moved. I think maybe it's a bit more noticeable since it's just him and I most of the time.
Whatever it is, I'm ready for it to go away. I have enough stuff bringing me down right now. I don't need to add how I look to that list.
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