There are so many things and emotions and more things I could write about today. A lot of that would just cause me more anxiety, so I'll share something different with you.
I read Psalm 121 today. Not once, but twice. I read an entire Psalm today. That's a huge deal for me.
My bible has a thick layer of dust on in disturbed only by the fingerprints from moving it from place to place. I don't often go to church. Currently, I do no bible study. I have a friend who sends me a verse a day and I do good just to read through it.
So reading an entire Psalm is a big deal!
As I previously shared, I have a friend who is in the midst of her second round with cancer. This trial she is going through has really pushed me out of my comfort zone.
A few years ago, I would have tucked tail and run from anyone going through something like this. I wouldn't want any part of helping them, being a friend to them and certainly not caring for them. I also understand why I wouldn't. Dealing with something where I have absolutely not one ounce of control in is just too hard. Much easier to walk away!
There is something deep inside of me that just won't let me walk away from this one. Not only do I not want to walk away, but I want to jump in the middle and be there with her every step of the way. It is beyond my understanding why I feel so strongly about this.
Each time this friend comes to mind, I find myself having a very real and most of the time difficult conversation with God. I can't tell you the number of times I have found myself for no reason at all talking with God about this friend, this situation.
The past few days, different bible verses have come to mind as I go about my little chat with God. Today it was "My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth." Today was probably the first time I've really been motivated to look up the verse.
I read it once, twice, then the verse after and the one after that.
After reading the entire Psalm, I had this immense feeling of gratitude for my friend and for her trial. It was an overwhelming feeling to understand that my friend's trial was pushing me toward prayer and the bible and most importantly, God.
Not my struggles, not my turmoil, nothing in my life has pushed me toward God as quickly and so deeply as this has. I found so much comfort for my tormented heart in that Psalm this morning. For the first time in a long time, my heart feels more open to the bible.
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