Fat Shaming

Today at the store, a younger girl walked passed me with a couple friends. The girl was overweight with tight shirt and shorts. Her belly was hanging out of her shirt. She was covered in tats and her face covered in piercings.

I had on a modest tshirts that went to my hips and a pair of capris. I always dress conservative. I rarely wear earrings in my only two piercings. My only tattoo is always covered. My hair is probably the least conservative part of me and it's not outlandish.

As she walked by, she belted out "look at that ugly oinker."

Damn the stabilized hormones and emotions. That stuff used to not bother me. Now I have these things called feelings and stuff like that hurts. Prior to a few years ago, I'd flipped her the bird, called her a loser whore and went on. I didn't. I walked on by as the entire bunch laughed and the girl made pig noises.

This girl obviously has issues. She was no Barbie.

I was so sad. Not sad for me as much as the next person she decides to treat that way. It'll happen. I'm not special. I was just available.

What that girl and everyone else who makes a surface judgement about me based on how I lol or my size is that I'm trying. I'm trying harder than ever before.

I'm barely a month into this journey. And it is a journey. Nobody really knows about the journey. A couple gals I walk with and my husband. They are the only ones who actively encourage me because they are active parts of this journey.

It's a hard road. I don't want to get up and walk in the mornings. I don't want to count every calorie. I don't want to eat healthy or find ways to be active. But I do want to be healthier. This journey is about being a healthier me.

There have been times when I've felt so encouraged to keep going and there have been times when I've been so discouraged that I wanted to quit.

People who fat shame others do not make the problem better. It's not encouraging. It brings down even the strongest person who's working their hardest to change their life.

I wanted to drag her ass off to the side and show her the changes I've made in the last month. The changes I've made are paying off.

I am down 16 lbs, 2" in my hips, 4" in the waist, 3.5" in the chest, 3" around the back and shoulders, 1" in my arms and 2" off the thighs. I can tell I'm gaining muscle in the arms and thighs.

There's not one lb or inch that has been easy or come without work and dedication. I've walked with foot pain and leg cramps. I've chosen veggies over chips and popcorn over ice cream.

When the girl chose to belittle me, I had to remind myself that I've been there before. I've been made fun of thousands of times. It would be a lie to say I've not been made fun of the past month. It happens. I think it hurts a little more when I'm trying so hard.

I'm not doing this so people won't be mean to me. I'm doing this so I can breathe easier walking up stairs and so I can enjoy a long walk on the beach and have more options when shopping for clothes and not have to spend the rest of my life on medications because my weight causes health problems.