That saying about staying busy keeps your mind off things is incredibly true. But also true, the thing you want to avoid will still be there when you slow down.
We each had the same things waiting for us, just in varying degrees. Grief and a multitude of emotions regarding our move.
For me...
Grief hit me. It was the sheer enormity of what we had been through this summer. This pillar of my husband's life was just...gone. I grieved over her, but mostly over what this loss would be for my husband. I grieved for him. For his pain, for his loss and for what I knew would be a struggle to move forward.
I was probably hit with more of the emotions over the move. There were three things, I've had to work through. The emotions over leaving Ohio, feeling forgotten and the upcoming holidays.
It would be an understatement to say I was miserable in Ohio. I hated it. I was resentful. I couldn't leave fast enough. I have probably felt more guilt over not missing it than anything.
Don't mistake what I am saying. I loved our home, surroundings and how we grew during that time. But, that wasn't enough. I learned that I must have relationships. Real, trusting relationships. I did not have that in Ohio. I had acquaintances. I knew people. I had a couple people who I might have considered a friend, but the lack of communication since I moved would lead me to believe even that was dicey at best.
I have never been in a place where people were so incredibly rude. Keep in mind, I don't mean everyone. But, my experiences weren't good. I found a lot of people who treated me as though I was beneath them and as though I didn't belong.
There's not much use in going into this any further. I have moved on, literally. Forgiven. Forgotten. Let go of it all really. Outside of occasional Facebook contact, I don't have relationships with anyone. It is really ok. We do not have any plans to ever go back, so there will be zero chance we will ever see them again.
One thing I am currently working through is the hurt I felt while in Ohio that was based here. Those feelings of being forgotten. It's a fine process of forgiveness, moving on and learning which relationships are most important now. Some have been easily repaired, while others have not. I know this is a part of life moving on and people changing.
The upcoming holidays were a big part of what hit me. I skated through the holidays in Ohio relatively easy. We were either traveling or far away from it all or had visitors. I was fearful that the old emotions would creep back in and make them hard.
That hasn't been the case. There have been some emotion and there might be more. But, I started the holiday season by having my niece and nephew a few days. It did kick up some emotions, but not the overwhelming kind I had in the past.
I'll share Kent's next.
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