I Want His Faith

As is sometimes the case, I can't share all of the details but have a story that begs to be told. 

About a month ago with a prompting I can only attribute to the Holy Spirit, I delivered a meal to a church member who lives alone.  I knew some of his story and knew he was living alone on a limited budget, as was his brother with disabilities. 

I called him to let him know my husband and I would be bringing some leftovers from our weekly meal at church.  He was extremely thankful. 

As I packed the meal up, I found milk that we had no use for before it expired.  I found bags and bags and bags full of spaghetti, garlic bread, pulled pork, fried chicken.  None of it could be used and we were running out of freezer space.  I found lettuce and tomatoes that would spoil before we could use them.  I loaded it all up. 

We stopped by our house.  Since we buy things in bulk, I had several cases of beans, soups, pasta, etc. laying in the kitchen from the trip we'd made the night before to Costco.  I loaded up a couple bags of miscellaneous items and grabbed some homemade loaves of bread from the freezer.  By the time we arrived with a meal, we had no less than 7 bags of food and a gallon of milk.  

He met us at the truck and was overjoyed by what we had brought.  But it's not what we did for him that is so wonderful and humbling.  It was what happened next, it's what he did for me.  In fact, we had really done nothing compared to what was needed.

As we carried the food into the apartment, it was eerily dark and empty.  A lamp without a shade and a stove light is all that lit the apartment.  There was one chair and an air mattress in the bedroom.  The cabinets, fridge and freezer were nearly empty. 

On the stove was a small pot of macaroni cooking.  Through some discussion, I learned it was the only meal he would eat that day.  His son, who was visiting, was elated to have milk to use in the mac and cheese instead of just water. 

Because of the way I grew up, I know what it's like to live without food and without many things.  But, I'm certain that I was never as happy as this guy.  He never complained.  He was happy with all he did have and had hope things would improve.  He has no vacuum and even wiped his feet in the hall so he didn't track in dirt because he wanted to keep his apartment nice. 

We've continued to take food to this man and his brother.  I've been happy to do it.  I know regardless of who has upset me or what turmoil my life is in, this man is going to minister to my broken little heart in ways he could never know or understand.

I've been hurt so many times inside the walls of the church, I'm a bit cynical about Christians and Christianity.  I'm often carrying around some current hurt or stress with church or fellow Christians.  I'm usually wrestling in my gut whether with what I truly believe.  But every time I drop off food to this man, I see an unbelievable faith. 

He's thankful for what most people take for granted.  There is a sense of gratitude that is amazing.  Most people would turn their nose up at leftovers or 2 day old salad.  Not this guy.  If you saw the weekly exchange, you'd think I was some kind of food fairy.  He's so incredibly grateful for anything he is given. 

And I meant it, he has incredible faith.  It's the kind that when you hear it, you might think he's a little crazy.  He is content to wait on God.  He is submissive to God in ways most people spend their entire lives striving to be.  He trusts God to provide everything.  He prays with expectation that God will answer all prayers, even if it isn't the answer or timing he would choose.

Wrap your head around that!  Somebody with absolutely nothing is living out his faith in the most obvious way I've ever seen. 

Here's the truly humbling part of this, the part that is beautiful.....

Each week after he thanks me over and over, he always says, "I'll be praying for you." 

Me?

Comparatively, on the surface, in all physical things, I have everything compared to this man.  I have a warm house with lots of lights and two giant tvs.  My fridge, freezer and cabinets are packed full of things. 

I'm ashamed to admit, the first night I walked away thinking exactly this, "Sitting in your cold, dark apartment in your ratty, lonely chair, you are going to pray for me?  You need to be praying for yourself.  You have nothing and I have everything.  Don't waste a moment praying for me, pray for yourself."

Oh my goodness...

I was so wrong.  He really has everything and I have nothing.  I don't have that kind of faith.  I don't have that confident relationship with Christ.  He may have been hungry, but I was the one starving. 

The idea that this person who has such strong faith would take time to pray for me, well what more could I ask for.  I don't know what or how he prays for me, I just know he tells me every week he is praying for me.  What I do know is that he prays with an expectation and confidence that God is hearing his prayers for me.

As crazy as it sounds, I want what he has. 

I want that kind of faith.