There's really nothing more exciting right now than having my husband home. This week is a three day weekend, so I'm super excited. It helps a little bit with the loneliness.
The past few days have been hard and I think I'm facing a month full of them.
Nothing awful is happening. Life is about as good as it gets here. But we've started into our 12th month here and my last month in my 30s. Two things that would have been much easier if they didn't fall at exactly the same time.
The sad part of coming up on a year of living here is looking back at the year. I'm so excited to be moving past this point in life.
I can't honestly say which is worse, saying goodbye to your friends or spending a year missing them. I spent the entire month of April last year saying goodbye to all of my friends. We played bunco, had parties, spent hours at lunches or dinners.
When someone says they are moving away, I know what sometimes happens. Everyone wants to spend time with them before they leave, but life gets so busy and those things don't happen. Life got busy for me, but I didn't let that happen. I spent time with every person who asked and left with no regrets. The saddest part of it all is that it's now been a year since I've seen a lot of these people.
Days before we left, our friends threw us a going away party and birthday party. It was wonderful!
There's nothing fun about moving within days of your birthday. My 39th kind of passed and has been a blur.
I'm not bothered by turning 40. I know it'll sound vain, but I don't feel old and I don't think I look 40. So, 40 isn't bothering me. But missing my friends, being alone here, that's bothering me.
A lot of my friends are early 40s or in their 30s. We have celebrated several 40th birthdays and were supposed to celebrate a few this year, including mine. It'll be hard to see the pictures of those celebrations, knowing I am not part of them in any way at all.
Here's the worst part of my upcoming birthday. I never liked my birthdays. Hated them. Always wished I'd never been born. Then, a very special woman changed that for me. Seven years ago, she taught me why it's such a special day. Each year, we celebrated in a special way. She didn't celebrate with me, she celebrated me. It changed me, changed my view of God and made me not hate the day I was born like my parents had.
Sure, I'm disappointed that there won't be a party with friends. I'm probably more disappointed that I won't have my special time celebrating with my friend.
It's a Sunday. We will go to church, but maybe we can start a new tradition. It won't be the same.
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