I am certainly glad that I have matured and can usually (eventually) let things go. I'm not saying I do this perfectly, but I can usually work my way through issues and let them go. Obviously, the bigger the issue, the longer it takes.
It has taken me a long time to let go of a lot of my childhood hurts and it's still a process of doing that. I guess what I am really talking about are relational issues.
Last week, I got a private email from a anonymous source. It wasn't very nice at all. It wasn't so anonymous since I could reasonably deduct who it was from by what was said. Honestly, I won't go into what was said. However, it is safe to call what I received a form of cyber bullying. Frankly, it was nasty and hateful and even threatening.
Like I have said in the past, unless someone says something to me, I have no clue who reads my blog. My assumption is and always has been that I write for myself and have nothing that anyone would care to read. My blog has 100s of readers each day and many who read multiple pages. The website allows me to see those statistics, as well as some from location and type of browser. They are very general demographics/statistics with no specific information of who the readers are. Don't worry, your personal information is safe on this side of things. I have no clue who you are.
That being said, my blog is public. I don't purposely share it unless I trust the person and don't really want it widely shared amongst people I know. People I know, complete strangers and even people who don't like me at all have access to my blog.
Obviously, I do have some followers who are haters or I wouldn't have received a hateful email. This isn't my first and I'm sure won't be my last.
Because of what was said in the email, I was able to identify the sender. Here is what was obvious. Some people do not let things go.
I'll admit, there are people out there who don't like me and even hate me. (I'm not sure why, but some of them even read this blog.) I have done things that people haven't forgotten and obviously haven't forgiven. I haven't killed anyone or slept with anyone's husband or stolen anything from anyone. But I know I've done things to people I shouldn't. I have also apologized for many of them.
I also know there are people out there who blame me for things they shouldn't or have false grievances against me. I hate to point fingers, but.... These are the people who were once friends and something came between us. The relationship wasn't good and had to end. There was usually a lack of self-awareness or denial of sin that drove a wedge between us. I may not have handled myself the best way possible and further irritated the situation. I may have even had fault, but the fault was not all my own.
Here's the thing though. There is nobody, and I repeat...nobody, that I have not forgiven. Including myself. Whatever the issue, I have moved on. Not only that, but I have made a decision to remember and value what was good in those relationships as I move on. I remember what brought us together, the things I learned, the laughs we had and the ways the relationship grew and encouraged me. If you knew how toxic some of my relationships have been, you'd understand why it has been such a big deal to do that. Keep in mind that remembering the good and forgiving the past doesn't necessarily mean there is a reunion.
So, this is my indirect response to cyber bullying and maybe even a direct response to those who read my blog even though they loathe me. I don't hate you. I value you and the place you once had in my life. Every experience I've had has grown me and increased my faith. Whatever has happened, I have moved on. I have prayed my way through some of the deepest hurts and believe in full forgiveness. It has been freeing to do so. I pray you can do the same and let go of the anger or hurt you may still feel. If, after some self-reflection, you truly believe I owe you an apology, please feel free to come to me in private and not anonymously. I would love the opportunity to help free you from the chains of anger and hurt.
As for those of you reading that this doesn't apply to, maybe it does. Is there a hurt or injustice in your life that you just can't let go of? Do the chains of unforgiveness still bind you? I encourage you to pray through that. Go to the person if necessary. I believe you will find life is much easier when you can let go of unforgiveness. You may even find joy in choosing to remember more positive attributes of past relationships.
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