Cop Shows

Given my background, it might surprise anyone to know I love cop drama shows. Criminal Minds, SVU, those are two of my favorites. 

I don't like romantic movies and stay away from scary ones. I'll watch dramas, action and comedies. 

I'm very careful about what I watch. 

There is a risk with watching these 60 minute shows. They can be graphic. The victims are often children. There is often tape and torture involved. There's a risk of triggering flashbacks and it's happened. 

So why do I watch? It seems to go against exactly the peaceful mind I try to keep. 

There are a couple reasons. 

The first is that it gives me some insight into the evil mind. While the stories are fiction, the reality is not. So much of what you see in these shows is based off of true stories. As the story unfolds, you get a firsthand look at the anatomy of the crime. You begin to understand that behavior is never pure. Broken people hurt broken people. 

A few years ago, I watched an SVU where a young boy molested another young boy. As the story goes, the kid spent hours alone at home watching his dad's pornography. He didn't have the maturity to understand it was wrong. He did exactly what he saw on tv to his friend. 

This is exactly what happened with my cousin/half brother. He was told by my grandpa to do horrible things to me and my cousins. He watched porn. It's what he knew to be ok and he continued to do it. 

That show opened a window to his behavior for me and gave me the understanding I needed to forgive him. Once I understood that his immature brain had been severely broken by evil, it was easy to forgive him for the many years he molested me. 

The other reason and the most important is that the good guys always defeat the bad guys. 

In these shows, they always get the bad guy. A lot of times they save the current victim. There's always a victory. 

By my best count, my dad raped, beat and abused over 100 women, girls and boys. Those are the ones I know. He never got caught. He never paid a price. Even though I've forgiven him too, there's never been any justice served. I know that justice isn't mine to serve. 

I still find it hard to pray for his salvation. 

My counselor and psychologist worked very hard to get me to a place where my dad could be prosecuted. I'm probably closer than I've ever been. I'm healthier than I've ever been. 

The statute of limitations has run out for some of the lesser charges. They will run out in the next few years on many more. Some will never run out. As far as I've come, seeing him could possibly unravel me. 

That's why I love the shows. In the midst of pain and brokenness, there is victory over evil. 

I wish that for every victim, every survivor.