Greater

Admittedly, I was preoccupied with other things during church on Sunday. It was all good. It wasn't like I was focused on lunch or something silly. It was the cross. However, I think the minister quoted a Mercy Me song. If he didn't, then I'm a bit crazy and imagined it.

Bring your tired and bring your shame.
Bring your guilt and bring your pain.
Don't you know that's not your name.
You will always be much more to me.

Bring your doubts and bring your fears.
Bring your hurt and bring your tears.
There'll be no condemnation here.
You are holy, righteous and redeemed.

Every time I fall, there'll be those who will call me a mistake.

I hear a voice and He calls me redeemed.
When others say I'll never be enough,
And greater is the One living inside of me,
Than he who is living in the world.

With my birthday just having past and Mother's Day coming, I certainly in an annual struggle over my identity.

There is no other time of the year that it is so important for me to find my identity in Christ and not here in this world.

Until I was a Christian, I had a sorry identity. It pains me to even think about it.

I was a horrible wife who treated her husband as if he were a paycheck and way out of a bad situation. I was an uncaring manager of women who were broken and wanted to be loved for the most part. I wasn't a mother and had no hope of ever being one. I didn't care what I did to others or myself. I was the daughter of child molesters, child abusers and those who neglect every living thing.

Yea, that last one was probably the hardest and the one I most identified with. Even with the little memory of my childhood that was known to me, I knew they were bad people. They were bad people, so as their daughter, I must also be bad. That's what I hung onto for over 32 years. I didn't even try to change, it was my destiny.

I won't say it was immediate at all, but in time as a Christian, I learned that I had a new identity. I am a bad person, so far from perfect. Not bad because I was born to bad parents. I'm bad because I am a sinner. Maybe bad isn't the best description for it. I am a sinner.

As a Christian, I am forgiven. I am forgiven and accepted into God's kingdom as His daughter and sister to many.

When I was finally able to wrap my head around this gift that I never deserved, my identity changed. I no longer have to be attached to my original family. They abandoned me and left me as an orphan, by their actions and choices. They left me and I was adopted by a bigger, better family.

That struggle has lessened immensely, but it creeps back up. I have to remind myself over and over of the truth.

I'm so thankful that this topic of identity has been woven into bible study and sermons lately. I've needed the helpful reminder. I've needed to hear verbally from someone else that I am redeemed and loved, a part of something bigger.