To Stay or Go?

That question has been on our minds a lot lately. I mentioned that a few posts back.

Contractually, we only have to be here until early May 2016. So what happens after that?

We have to consider my husband's job. His job is so much better here. The people are better. The setting is better. The location is better. There are some things that make me question if it's all better. I'm sure there are things that make him question, but I'm only speaking for me.

He travels almost zero! This is good and bad. He does enjoy traveling some. It breaks up the monotony of his job. He doesn't have an office. I know how my husband works. After having an actual office for over 15 years, communal workspace was like a step back. He also is far more productive with less distractions.

Probably the most frustrating part of this for me, is financial. He's not had a raise in nearly three years. We assumed a lot of financial responsibility to move out here so he could keep his job. He had to quit an additional job that supplemented our income. We were told his pay would be evaluated last year and it was not. He's not an aggressive person, so he won't ask for it. But rightfully, they should have done as promised. (It's in writing!)

So those things all weigh in our decision and probably the most heavily.

Probably the second most important thing is to consider what God has done and what He is still doing here.

Our hearts have changed since being here. Our relationship has evolved. We have become better with communication and how we treat each other. Relationships outside the home have been slow and difficult. We've had to learn how to live in harmony with each other. It's not perfect, but it's better.

I won't belabor the point, but a downside is relationships. We both understand that only a commitment to staying will allow any improvement in this area. In order to invest in people and vice versa, there can't be an expectation of leaving soon.

Our lives look so much different here. In KC, we were never home. We never ate at home. When we did, it was in front of a TV. Eating out, we were both glued to our phones. We are more homebodies here. We will go to one of the bigger cities on Saturdays about every other week. We don't go out to eat often. I will go in and have lunch out with my husband once a week and maybe once or twice on the weekend. We eat at home in the evenings in the dining room and we pray together prior to eating.

Things are different and similar here for me. I still don't drive that much. I usually drive once to twice a week. I will either go to the church or in town for lunch and then to buy groceries on Friday mornings. I don't leave the house much more than that.

Without going into much detail, I'll say things are so much different for me mentally and emotionally. There's safety for me and a peace that you could only understand if you've walked through any of the past eight years with me. I'm more "normal" than anyone ever thought possible.

Those things definitely make us consider staying a healthy distance from Kansas.

While it's not a reason to stay or go, we love our church here. It's not always been easy or painless, but we know God put us on this church to grow. The teaching, preaching and people have driven us closer to each other and God. It has never felt like a short term place for us. It's never been a "for right now" place.

There are some jobs in KC that my husband would to apply for soon in order to move back in a year. We'd have to consider putting the house on the market next spring. So, we have to pray through all of this in the coming weeks and months. Do we stay? Do we go? If we go, where do we go?

I know where my heart is leaning and where I feel God leading. Now, I have to pray and allow God to bring us both to His conclusion.